All about Women Over 40

The following is a commentary by 60 Minutes
Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.
Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle
of the night and ask,

What are you thinking?

She doesn’t care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game,
she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does
something she wants to do, and it’s usually more
interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a
screaming match with you at the opera or in the
middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course,
if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you
if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to
confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get
past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier
than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell
you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting
like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you
stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning,
smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald,
paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself
with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say,

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are
against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not
worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

 

The Well Trained Horse

Mr. Marlow was strolling through the country when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane. Mr. Marlow struck a deal to buy it from the owner who did, however, pass on one key piece of information.

“We are a religious family Mr. Marlow and we’ve instilled those values in our horse. To get him to gallop you must say ‘Thanks God’ to get him to stop you must say ‘Our Father Who Art in Heaven.”

Settling into the saddle, Marlow said as instructed:

“Thanks God,”

The animal took off. They rode for miles. Suddenly they were coming up to a cliff. Unfortunately, Marlow couldn’t remember the phrase to make the animal stop and tried every Biblical passage he could think of until, just a few feet from the edge of the cliff, he shouted,

“Our Father Who Art in Heaven!”

The animal stopped instantly. Shaking and perspiring, Marlow reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.

“Thanks God,” he said as he mopped his brow…

God Grants All Wishes

God created the donkey & said to him:

“You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years. You will be a donkey.”

The donkey answered:

I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years.”

God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him:

“You will be a dog. You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog.”

The dog answered:

Master, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10 years.”

God granted his wish. God created the Monkey and said to him:

You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey.”

The monkey answered:

Master to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years.”

God granted his wish.

Finally God created the man and said to him:

You will be a man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years.”

Man responded:

“I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.”

God granted his wish. And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, he marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are gone, he lives 15 years like a dog, taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house, from one son or daughter to another, doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

Juveniles Visit the Zoo

A policeman brought four boys before a judge.

“They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor,” he said.

“Boys,” said the judge sternly, “I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong.”

“My name is George,” said the first boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”

“My name is Pete,” said the second boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”

“My name is Mike,” said the third boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”

“My name is Peanuts,” said the fourth boy.